The Black Holes of Humanity
I'm going to try to keep this as positive as I can, but I hold no promises. Sometimes in life, we forget that we are unique, different in so many ways from others and yet also very similar. We forget that not everyone has our standards, morals, or views and that can slowly destroy us. It becomes our own personal black holes, if we let it. And many times we do. It can be easier to let the disappointments and hurt eat us away, bit by bit until we aren't sure there's anything left. Parts of us want to scream and shout and throw the biggest tantrum and tell the person that hurt us or let us down in some way, of all the ways they did that. But here's the thing. It's not going to fix anything. It won't make it any better. It might make you feel better for a split second, but in my case, the guilt comes crashing down so swiftly it's like a hurricane. I know I'll feel guilty. I know it's wrong. I'm a lot better at not getting angry and keeping those not so great thoughts to myself now more than ever. But it still happens. And guys, I still apologize for A LOT.
I think it's really hard for some of us to control the emotions. Mainly because of how quickly they come. They aren't ever quick to fade and that's what makes it so dangerous to feel so deeply, so much. The angst gets to us and everyone thinks that by now, we should know how to calm ourselves, how to tame the flame within. But not everyone is like us. It's a double edged sword really. Risk getting angry and hurt and losing someone that means everything to you, or keep it to yourself and feel the pain that comes with stitching up your own wounds so no one knows about them. No one can see them anyway so it doesn't really matter....right?
I don't want any of you to get discouraged when someone hurts you or disappoints you. It's not your fault. It has nothing to do with you. Please remember we are all human. The biggest lesson I continually have to relearn is that I need not punish myself for someone else's actions. Despite my feelings and best intentions, they can often be misconstrued.
Here's my final bit of advice. What we do in our lives, the choices we make, who we keep in our lives, is ultimately our choice. Yours. Mine. Your neighbors. The alien. Your kid. Your kid's best friend's uncle. It's a choice. Life ultimately comes down to the choices we make. I've made my choice. I know who I want in my life. I know who I want to be. How I want to be. The way I want to live my life. Those are the important things. Figure those things out first before you try to figure out what to DO with your life. Because at the end of the day, no one is going to remember what you did in your life. Or they may and it's going to be a very insignificant part. They are going to remember how they made you feel. What they did for you. People always remember you for how you acted rather than what you did in your life. What you did/do in your life is for YOU. While you're trying to make a difference in your life, make sure it also has a positive effect on those around you. Only then will you truly understand the purpose of life.
xx
m.k.